Rain’s blog

Gotta study for midterm in friday +nod+

I was watching FMA the past few days and finished it this morning. Why does it have to be so sad :( I love Ed and Al and I just can’t get over the fact that they can’t go back. I like seeing them clapping their hands and do alchemy together. And I want to see Roy snap his fingers and burning things (oo destructive). :( I don’t like this ending at all, it’s too sad ;-; What about Winry ;-;. I was so happy when Ed finally went back, but WHY did he have to go back through the gate again. -____-;; Stop being so heroic dammit.

I actually liked Lust too :( she was true to her dream and her goal throughout, not like the other homunculi. Envy is sad, the rest are just brainless. Wrath is immature? He got mature in the movie though.. sort of. :x But they all died. The only homunculus I hated is King Bradley. I was happy he died lawlz.
Just… gaaah why is everything so sad :(

Desperation is the need to do something yet the inability to achieve it.

Something in my vancouver trip entry got tagged and I got 60 spam comments about porn and sex on it o__o; asdf?

I checked my grades and WOAW they are about 20% lower than expected. This is not good @_@ I didn’t think I did that bad =/ so I lost about 10 marks on my final grade already. Gosh this is stats and I know what I’m doing too o__o wth went wrong.

.. oh right there’s a question I didn’t have time to finish and that was worth 28% of the midterm. hm hurray. o-o;; I fail miserably. =/

Midterm next friday. study study study. !motivated.

My friend told me I don’t have the grades for med school today. And I know he’s right. Which made me sad. I really wish I didn’t go into eng sci now. Heh. Stupid vanity. +looks for restart button+

Too bad there’s nothing anyone can do about it ^_^

So we lost another plier and a drill head during friday lab. And Michelle borrowed my calculator and misplaced it. Anyways.

My group members never cease to amaze me with the level of stupid things they can pull off. Today’s trick is shoving a long nail into the gluestick rail in a hot glue gun because the gluestick was too short that no new glue is coming out. You know, it’s called BUYING A NEW GLUE STICK. So guess who’s stuck with trying to get the damn nail out of the rail? Orly.

Yeah, no really, no comment.

Why do I have such idiotic people as group members? They lack the basic ability to return the equipments to the SAME FRIGGING POSITION after using. They just randomly drop it somewhere and go “oh I don’t know where it is” the next time. Or they just randomly lend out our stuff without intending to ask for them back after each session. After 7 lab periods they’ve managed to misplace HALF OF THE ENTIRE BOX OF EQUIPMENT AND LOSING THE COMBO LOCK TO OUR LOCKER. What kind of morons are they? THE EQUIPMENTS COST OUR MONEY, IDIOTS. What the hell.

They also never show up on time. Today the earliest group member showed up one hour after lab session started. I waited for an hour in the lab doing absolutely NOTHING, because today’s lab is INTEGRATION. You know, I kinda can’t do integration ON MY OWN since I’m already well integrated with myself, yeah?

“Paul where are you?”
“I’m on my way there, I will be there in half an hour.” (wth, I live further than you are and I don’t need half an hour to WALK there)

Half an hour later…
“Paul where are you?”
“Oh I’m handing my homework (that was due 2 hours ago).”
“….”

“Michelle where were you?”
“Eating lunch. Duh.” (wth did you do during the 2 hours of lectures you skipped?)

“David where were you?”
“Sleeping. I messed up my sleeping schedule and slept for 18 hours on saturday so I must spend my monday morning reverting back to my regular sleeping schedule by sleeping at 9 am.” (wth did you do on sunday then? Maple Story much? Oh wait, you are on Audition now. My bad. You are ranked first out of the whole entire 5 people that plays it.)

Can I have my giftie group members back please?

Sometimes I’m so optimistic I think I’m delusional.

Junk 1
Junk 2

So I’m back.

Two weeks is not nearly enough to fully enjoy myself in Shanghai. It’s completely taken up by dining out with miscellaneous relatives and friends and shopping for things I need. I didn’t even get to play with my cousins once. I remember being all excited about going back and now I’m back to Toronto already. Time flies while I’m there.

My mum is still in Shanghai, so I’m all alone in Toronto. It makes me sad looking around the empty house knowing that I’m alone. Although school started again and I moved back to dorm, it wouldn’t have made a difference whether my house is empty or full, it still makes me lonely when I think about it. I have too strong a tie to Shanghai that I constantly want to go back. Most people being here for as long as I have already grew out of their home towns and rather stay here than going back. But I’m different. My family keeps my heart there. I think I want to work there when I find a job.

Toronto doesn’t feel like home. The lack of a complete family makes this place feel temporary. I don’t completely blend in with the culture because I grasp onto my traditional ideas with a passion. I’m afraid of changes, changes feel like losses. But when I go back to Shanghai, my lack of experience the past seven years makes me feel like an outsider again. I don’t really know what’s going on there and everything’s new. I feel like I’m trapped in the middle, not really belonging to either places. It makes me lonesome. But I feel slightly more comfortable in Shanghai. My relatives at least let me know that I exist and have some importance, even if I have to bear with being overly polite in that world of pretence.

I can’t wait until the next break to go back. I don’t know when that would be. Thinking about the upcoming summer break makes me hopeful, but thinking about the potential work I have to do during that break takes that hope away. I need something to look forward to again.

On a lighter note, I will be moving soon.

Currently in Vancouver o0o! This place is freezing. My landlord is too cheap to turn on the furnace so I’m freezing in the ground-level basement. Vancouver in all of its dampness smells like rotting dumpster. ~__~

We went to Victoria Island today and paid a trip to the BC Parliment. It’s pretty nice in there :D They have this huge christmas tree 2 stories all with lots of barbles and tinsels. (sp?) Luckily today’s a workday so I got to visit the inside unlike both of the times I’ve been at the Ottawa Parliment. We also went to Burchant’s Garden. HOLY CRAP THAT’S NOT A PRIVATE GARDEN o_O!! I don’t want to imagine how much time and labour it’d take just to maintain that gignatic place. But it’s REALLY nice and I loved all the green areas in there. I love trees :D (No I’m not a tree hugger) It makes me feel peaceful just looking at them. We took Ferries there and back and one-way trip was 1.5 hours O_O! The cruise is huge though. It can contain 400 small-medium sized cars in its lower decks. The upper passenger decks has 2 coffee bars, a breakfast food court, a water-front buffet restaurant, 2 video arcades and a giftshop. o_o In other words, HUGE! (Did mention huge?) It looks super luxurious in there x) We got dropped off in front of T&T supermarket and I bought more Pocky. lol. xD

My vancouver friend said she’s gonna introduce me to some nice BBT shops hmmm. Except I forgot her contact cuz I’m just so very smart C: Oh well I will have REAL Japanese Sushi. There’s a Jap restaurant right in front of my current residence and it’s opened by a Japanese. Not like cheap Toronto where you go to a Sushi place and everyone’s shouting Cantonese at each other lolol. Except Japanese are really strict or something so nothing’s on the house ;( There goes my complimentary Miso soup and ice cream. !sob

I brought my laptop along but my plug is 3-some and the only outlet in my room is 2-holed (not to mention broken and lacking power). So I hunted around the house today and finally found a 3-hole outlet. It happens to be above the couch in the lounge facing the bathroom. So currently I’m sitting in the freezing lounge on the couch facing the bathroom. I must say the pleasent smell in the air is very inspirational. +nod+

My wireless card randomly picked up some unsecured wireless internet in the area. So I’m leeching off someone’s internet right now +halo+ Too bad for whoever it is hehe. This net is really slow though, despite the strong signal I’m getting. =( A jpg file takes a minute to load x_o; In all of that I refrained from going to neopets hehe. I put my status on hiatus. LET’S KEEP IT THAT WAY KKK. Unless I get unfrozen which I highly doubt but still am working towards. Yay for contradictory goals. ;)

K sleep time x_o.

I like online because you don’t need to see how sad I really am. Ex Dee

So yeah, I think I failed vibrations, which is PATHETIC, because I knew what I was doing but made stupid mistakes here and there and they were all worth A CRAPLOAD of marks. :( Crapload being like.. 10 percent each on the exam. So I’m looking at a wha, 50 now? lololollllz.

I need a confidence booster.

After much delay I finally read MJ’s last LJ entry (LOL! I forgot xD sorry) Speaking of written communications, I guess I’m still more comfortable with this method than face-to-face talk. I like hiding behind this screen and expose the me that you would not otherwise see. I long for attachment yet at the same time afraid of it, because every time I grow attached to someone, or something, it gets shattered and taken away from me. (hence my view on “balance between good and bad events in life”) What Seth from OC said “When things gets too good around here, doom will come and knock it”.

To prevent myself from being hurt, I keep a nice distance away from everyone, and swallow negative comments to myself. Everyone online thinks I’m as sweet as pie, only I know I’m not that innocent. Nobody knows who I hate secretly, because on the surface, you can’t see any indication. I was watching Mean Girls and thinking, does that make me manipulative? lol. I think I’m too naive and immature to be able to achieve that.

Sometimes I get confused about who I really am and how I really think. I hide things I love because they are accepted as “shallow” or otherwise stupid. Amongst all that hiding and disguising I grew to love late nights and single rooms. When the world is quietly sleeping, my soul is wide awake enjoying the freedom of privacy. I can be whomever I want to be without feeling shameful or embarrassed. (Nightdream vs daydream? rofl) To a certain degree, this is what this blog achieves as well, my personal outlet without anybody yelling at me for having the thoughts I already have. (If you do yell, I guess I will just have to delete your comment)

Anyhow, enough time wasted on this. AHHHHH AERO EXAM +flees+

[Edit]: from www.deathclock.com